Let’s confess, to each one of you, your love story had always been worth writing a book about! Just the writer in you got lazy. And then, uploading on social media was less work and instant gratification.
Love is beautiful. At least, in the initial years. The love affair reaches the doors of fairytale wedding too. The vows, the emotions, the toast, the memories, the laughter and the dreams – all weave a delightful story which is entitled to a genuine ‘happily ever after’!
What happens then? Why “I do” turns to “Do I?”? Why the relationship fire fades away? Of course, the fault is not yours, it lies with the other person. Isn’t it?Life doesn’t come with a manual book. If it did, the instructions would have told you how it is significant to look within you for mental rust, ego dirt, burnt wires of perception and what not. Gentle cleansing often can sort the relationship if at all it was weaved with love and respect.
Enough of sarcasm, let’s see if we can widen the horizon of our perception and make it into a lifelong love affair. Who doesn’t want that newness to be there eternally which once used to take your breath away? All it takes is to regard love as more than just an emotion. More than just a chemical secretion which nature switched on for its grandmotherly intention of procreation.
Two people come together for a reason. The universe doesn’t do random calculations. How you progress and move forward depends on you. Either it will be a lesson or a lifelong growth plan. Decision and efforts are yours.
A relationship is a beautiful flower. To let it blossom to its fullest, you need to understand few things about being in a love relationship:
You both are different: And that’s what brought you together. You both will grow taking up your own space and time. Understanding this fact and keeping the differences as an opportunity to explore a different perception will take you a long way. Respect that you are two individuals who have come together to share the journey helping each other grow by learning from each other’s wisdom.
Love doesn’t imply owning: The most common mistake couples do is misconstruing subconsciously that a committed relationship implies they own the person. If you want to own anybody, own yourself. You are as significant as the other person. If you think it’s because of you that the relationship exists, my advice to you is to free yourself- either of this megalomaniac thought or the relationship itself. You own only your thoughts, acts and intentions. Dominance is a game of politics, not an aim of relationship.
Love is not extorting happiness: If you thought love is the source of ultimate happiness, you were probably right but you should know that a relationship is a lot of work. Happiness won’t come by extracting it from the other person. Happiness springs within you at the touch of love itself. You give, not squeeze it out of another being.
Attachment is not Love: These two seems to be related but are not. If you are attached to someone, you are not in love. It is just a necessity for you in order to survive in the societal norms and human interdependence. You will be in constant fear of losing the person as he or she is the one whom you are reliant on for your happiness. You are self-focused. This is where jealousy and possessiveness stem from. Love lies in the opposite direction.
Freedom in love: The love which binds the other for your own needs is not love. Love is not a suffering. Neither for you nor for the other. Freedom is when you are together yet free-flowing. When in love, you enjoy just being in the presence of your partner. You seek more than the physical and emotional fulfillment. There is a spiritual communion you seek. The oneness which is beyond the comprehension of the ethereal world.
“Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.”
An attachment, a physical attraction, an emotional bond can bring two human beings together but will it blossom into love? Love doesn’t happen in a day or two. It is a journey. There are tests of patience and hardships of being human. The fiery flames of passion shall die in two years of being together. The necessity shall become a monotonous burden after you’ve kids. The life will become stagnant in this monotony. None of this is love. Love doesn’t fade away. It only grows. The more you give, the more you have.
As humans, our nature of selfishness always comes in the way of attaining true love. If we can realize this, this same love will make us a better human and maybe someday, we might escalate the limits of human love and reach the unascertained true love.
Dig deeper and you shall know. If any spark is left, it’s time to rekindle it.
May we know love in its truest form!